I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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