We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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