What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
