I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
