don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
