And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
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What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
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All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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