The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
