At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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