best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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