my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
