Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
