I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize