Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
