My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
When are your genitals available?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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