just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
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She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
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His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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