I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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