dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
