and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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