I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
