so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
