Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
