Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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