do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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