I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
