Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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