I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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