He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
