U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Only a mothe r could love this liver
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
