Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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