Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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