you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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