i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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