Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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