his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
