I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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