So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
