Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
