Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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