omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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