; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
this is an emotional support booty call
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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