What a fucking waste of an outfit
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
