whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
