on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
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This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
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Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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