my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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