he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
