you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
