shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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