The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
