listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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