I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's never too late to be topless.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
