Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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