Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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