It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
