I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just tell him i said nine months
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
