6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
pray to the hookup gods
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
