Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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