I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
