when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
