What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca