Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever