In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.