Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
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My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
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SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?