Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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