Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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