i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
