we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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