I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Farmville is her only friend.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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