Who wears a wallet chain?!
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
