i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Can I color on your dick again?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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