Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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