I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
