Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You are a genius and a whore.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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