We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
